Hope, Love and Lunatics
by Silvern Haze
Summary: When no hope is left, will there be light? Some people have to be saved two times to get what they truly deserve of. A life. Alice's story from the asylum to vampire-being. And Jasper's just around the corner! Full Summary inside, A/J
1. Prologue: Kept in the Dark

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the twilight saga storys or characters. Lucky Stephenie Meyer does. (sob). But I do own the words in this fanfiction. Yay?

Full summary: Locked away in a cell, a young girl tries to keep herself alive. Her mind is broken, but was it a mental disease which caused it or the constant darkness she was thrown in, the drugs that are keeping her quiet? When no hope is left, will there be light? Some people have to be saved two times to get what they truly deserve of. A life. (NOT All Human, slightly AU in the end, nothing big)

* * *

**Hope, Love and Lunatics**

_the story of Mary Alice Brandon_

* * *

If you had to choose what color resembles your life, your existence, I would choose black. Not because I'm depressive or anything, no, it's because black is all I am ever going to see. Blackness is all around me and captures me inside, I feel it's chains on my wrists and ankles, forbidding me to escape.

Black is like oblivion, it makes you forget about everything else, everything besides the darkness that wraps around you like tear-proof fabric.

Black is all I know about, but it isn't what I _want_ to know about. Questions like '_was there anything before the blackness?' _or '_is it ever going to end?' _always make me try to think and find out their answers, but I can't. It's black. If you would ask me how long I've been here, wherever I am, I wouldn't be able to give you a proper answer. It could be seconds, days or years and it still feels the same, it's black and dull and choking. It makes me insane, I could feel me losing myself more every second, I was slipping away. But how could I ever know how long a second lasts? Who was me, anyway? Was I part of this, the darkness? Did it belong to me? Was the world dipped in black, but what world was I talking about? What world, what life? Why me? _What. Why. _

Earth. Human. There it was, out of nowhere, two words, two answers?

So I was human, but was that such a difference? Knowing it, would that change a thing? As long as I was surrounded in blackness, nothing really mattered. Though my mind wanted answers for my open questions, my mind wanted to know, wanted to _remember_. _It wanted to believe there's been better times._

_My_ mind, _my_ questions, _me_. Who was I? Was 'I' the little thing in my brain that wanted to know, or was it my body, my bruised limb body I wasn't able to move? Answers, surrounding me. They were disappointing, I had known all along, hadn't I? Was I really an insane mind, forgetting who and what I was? Was that the reason I was kept in the dark? Maybe, it was.

I was broken, I could feel it. Broken both mentally and physically. But, here comes the everlasting question, what caused my current state?

_Broken bones need to be fixed. Humans are fixed in hospitals. _

Was I in a hospital? Was I ill, had a disease? Or why was it always dark, so dark I couldn't make out a difference between closed and open eyes? Was I locked away, behind thick steel doors without a chance to escape? A cell. _My _cell. The word was oddly familiar to me, like I had heard it a few times too often.

_'Take her back to her cell!,' a rough voice sneered.__  
'Throw her in her cell, make sure she stays unconscious.'  
'Don't be afraid, sweetie. I'm just taking you to your cell.'_

The last voice had a sickening false tone to it and made unbelievable mad. Why on earth did I have a cell? What did I do to deserve to be locked away? Criminals were locked away in prisons, someone once had told me. So if this was a prison, I had to be a criminal. But what was my crime, what did I do to deserve this? Locked away to protect the innocent. How ridiculous that sounded, as if I would hurt anyone. I simply wasn't capable of that. _Right?_

Again, I never could be sure.

* * *

_Hey y'all! No, I'm not texan, I just need to get Jasper's accent streight. Ugh. Please correct me if write rubbish.  
So, back to the story. As you see, I decided on writing Alice's sory. YAY. This is merely the prologue, but I really try on updating soon. Poor Alice doesn't even remember who she is :'(_

_And I know that I have a few (more than ya know about) storys unfinished. But a author does what she has to do, right? Get over it, guys, I'm definitly not abandoning any of them._

_- Kora (Silvern Haze)  
_

_So, do you like it? Hate it? Are addicted? Want to throw it into the trash can yourself? TELL MEH :) (you know you want to.)  
_


	2. Alice gone gaga

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the twilight saga stories or characters. Lucky Stephenie Meyer does. (sob). But I do own the words in this fanfiction. Yay?

Songs I was listening to: Leave out all the Rest - Linkin Park, Lightning Strikes - Snow Patrol, Lovers in Japan - Coldplay, Cemeteries of London - Coldplay

Have fun!

* * *

**Hope, Love and Lunatics**

_the story of Mary Alice Brandon_

* * *

Heavy footsteps echoed in a hallway I didn't know existed. My ears yearned for the noise, it wasn't normal something interrupted the silence that floated in the thick air around me. The air vibrated in tension as the noise grew louder and I was part of the air. I swayed with it and waited like a predator for its pray, only that I had no intention on moving even a single inch. It made me feel less nonexistent when my senses came to use and I enjoyed it. A bit.

The steps came to a halt and I felt my breathing quicken, I somehow was afraid of what might follow. What did they want from me? I was nothing. The door—wait, what door?—opened one tiny bit and I had to abruptly close my eyes—I didn't know they were open, it was black either way—because of the bright intense light that was shining into the room. The light hurt. Did it always hurt? Was the ever existing darkness a good thing, then? I used to despise the color black but in the past years I had to get used to that choking darkness around me, because I learned that it wouldn't go away. I didn't exactly know it's been years, I just guessed that; I had lost my track of time long ago. I forced my eyes to open again although they tried their best to stay closed, but I needed the light. It was a change from the dull existence I led. It's been times I even forgot about the world, the universe around me, but that's been only for a matter of times, and now, now I wished those times back. I preferred oblivion over nothingness, it was better to know nothing than to know that my life could be better than this. By now I've learned to not care anymore. Things didn't matter, did they? I couldn't change them so why should I think about it? Thirst, hunger, pain and sadness; those things I've learnt to ignore. Some things I still didn't know, like who I was, why I was here and where exactly I was. I knew those things that didn't matter, like me being a human girl, the room existing of four walls and the color around me being black. All those things everyone knows and no one needs to know. But it was okay, everything was okay. This was just how my life was meant to be and that's fine with me. No one was going to save me anyway.

The rays danced around and enlightened the cold stonewalls next to the door, showing themselves in a blinding beauty. I looked away. It was harder, harder to accept darkness if I knew how light looked and felt. I swallowed once and leaned my ever throbbing head against the cold wet wall, my headaches were hitting on me again. Every time my head started to hurt my thoughts would wander away, deep into the depths of my broken mind. My eyes would close and blaze over with a black that was more intense than the one I was used to, it was a wicked black. Eventually I would snap out of it an welcome the numb black outside of my mind with open arms.

But it didn't happen. Not like I imagined, at least.

My eyes closed, my thoughts wandered and colors were slowly dancing behind my eyelids, building pretty patterns of blue, red and green. I gasped as the patterns transformed into pictures, dull and blurry ones like photos made on accident. I clenched my teeth and tried to concentrate, but my headache got the best of me and I flinched away from the beautiful colors. It was too much for me.

My eyes snapped open in a swift movement and I found myself back in the dark room I hated with passion. Yes, I had given up hope. I knew that I would spend the rest of my lame, depressing life locked up in this cell without windows, lamps and colors. A steel door there was, and a uncomfortable 'bed'—you couldn't actually call it a bed, it was merely a hard mat—that I only knew about because I was lying on it. The cell was dark and wet all the time and I would've sworn I was blind by now if it hadn't been for the light I'd just seen.

My numb fingertips traced along the lines of the wall's stones as I stared into the air, seeing nothing.

I found it hard to concentrate ever since I woke up in here long ago. It was like my mind had shut down its capacity to 60 and concentrating required 100. Like my mind, my memories faded. I couldn't remember a thing for more than a few hours and it was annoying me to hell.

Did I have amnesia?

"Eat." A man's voice brought me back to present and my unseeing gaze fixed on a blurry statue that was probably supposed to be a man. His voice echoed in my ears but I didn't understand the words he'd spoken. It almost felt as if he wasn't standing there, illuminated by the light that shone through the now open door. As he saw I wouldn't move any time soon he kicked something in my direction—which was the farthest corner away from the door —and it landed inches from my feet. Then with a click, the door fell closed and darkness took over. Once again.

It was then that a feeling I used to ignore crashed back at me with its full might and I felt my hands move on their own accord. They shakily grabbed the thing to my feet and I recognized it as a food tray. I stuffed the food into my mouth. I was hungry. I swallowed quickly, not wanting to have the hideous taste on my tongue longer than necessary, but the bitter aftertaste wouldn't fade. What came next caught me off guard.

I had to bite down on my tongue to keep myself from crying out in agony as my now trembling hands clutched my head tight. The pain that was piercing my head was utterly unexpected. What was in that food?!

My breathing hitched as I felt myself fall into a black hole of unconsciousness soon after.

The feeling that I was watched in my dreams never left. I was dreaming the dream I always dreamt; I was sitting in a cell like mine but I knew something was different. I walked around, tried to find the difference but found none. As simple as it was, it was terrifying all the same. But that anxious feeling you get when you know someone was there, watching you was new and added a whole lot to the 'scare factor' of the dream, as I called it. I was relieved as I finally awoke from that awful dream. My head was still hurting but who was I kidding? My head always hurt. Though this was the kind of pain I could withstand the easiest, I didn't like what came along with it. Pictures of black, and like last time blurry patterns of red, green and blue. Colors were good. I almost forgot how they looked but it was stressing me out not to know what they were showing. Those pictures were a part of me, for all I knew I could've been born with them. They were always there, as far as I could remember which was, unfortunately, not fairly long.

This time it were patterns of black, white and red, bouncing behind my closed eyelids. They were transforming, building new patterns and my mind completely drowned in them, there was nothing else but squares of black, white and red mangled together into something new.

I didn't know why I wasn't surprised as the simple patterns transformed into a perfect picture, a door and two wild crimson eyes staring through the gap between door and wall. Like I was half-expecting it to happen. I memorized every part of the picture, afraid that it would go away as fast as it came. The picture was slightly out of focus but those red eyes I could see crystal clear.

I gasped as I snapped out of it and it took me a few minutes to progress what just had happened. Was I seeing things? Was that normal? No, I didn't think so but perhaps I had just found the reason I was in a cell.

I was insane, that I was now sure of.

And I knew insanity was the worst that could happen to you. Not because of your state of mind, it was because the place you were sent.

An asylum. I was in an asylum.

How was I going to cope in an asylum? No, scratch that. How _did_ I cope in an asylum? _God_, couldn't believe it! Me, me in a psychiatry. But that was the place insane minds were put. Away from society, locked up behind steel doors, treated with drugs and so on. Was this were I belonged? Now that I knew where I was I felt as if my life was taken away from me. But this is how it was meant to be, right? I wasn't normal. So this is where I belonged. Right? As much as I wanted to accept my fate, I couldn't. It was as if something told me, that this indeed wasn't where I should spend my life. That I'd been mistaken. But without a memory, could I ever trust my feelings? Who knew how sick I really was.

"_Alice sick, Alice not okay? Why Alice, what's wrong with her?" _

_"It's okay, Cynthia. Your sister . . . She needs help from the nice doctors, they are going to fix her. It's not good to be different, honey, and Mary Alice has to go."_

What was that? Was I now hearing voices in my head? I wrapped my arms around my chest, willing them to go away.

_"No. No, mom, I'm fine! Please, I love you! Don't let them take me, please!"_

_"It's for the best, Mary Alice. They will take care of you. Don't worry your little head too much."_

_"Mom . . . Please. They will hurt me, don't let them do it! I'm fine! Every thing's fine with me!"_

Then sobs came instead of more words, but the silence were words itself. Rejection. I immediately felt with the little girl. And for the first time in what felt like years, I felt sobs building in my chest. I squeezed my eyes shut as a new found pain overwhelmed me. It wasn't physical pain, it was a kind of heartache. My body shuddered while silent tears ran down my face.

That little girl, Mary Alice, was me. I was her. We were the same. But that name, it didn't belong to me. A person like me doesn't have a name, no one cares about a person like me. Ill-minded, that's what they thought I was. I was a patient to them, nothing but a girl left here to die.

If someone would ask, what wouldn't happen, I would tell them I was Alice. Just Alice, short and sweet, magical. Alice in Wonderland. I would pretend someone cared. If not for them, then for my sake.

_Alice gone gaga. _I liked it to refer myself as Alice, though I didn't feel as if I was worth the name, but it had to do. I was Alice.

* * *

_First Chapter done! You see, the prologue showed you the times she 'forgot about the world'. If you find it confusing, let's just say now she's in the 'I am nothing and depressed' state.  
I was ecstasic as I wrote the visions she had. In case you didn't understand why she's only seen black for a long time was, that the decisions that were made all resulted in her spending more time in her cell. And the one with the 'colored patterns' was too far away to be seen clearly. She could see the scene with the red eyes because it wasn't too far off in the future. *winks*_

_I'm sorry if you found this chapter was a li'l boring but I felt like it was necessary for you to know how much she is broken inside because of that stupid 'therapy'. _

_REVIEW for me, my sweet readers! Please, it makes me type a lot faster, I know by experience._

_-Kora (Silvern Haze)  
_


End file.
